A help for ministry wives

What if God Had Voice Mail????

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Imagine praying and hearing this:

 

*Thank you for calling My Father’s house.

Please select one of the following four options:

* Press 1 for requests.

* Press 2 for thanksgiving.

* Press 3 for complaints.

* For all other inquiries, press 4.

 

*All of the angels are busy helping other customers right now. Please stay on the line…Your call is important to us and will be answered in the order it was received.

 

* If you need to speak to God “in person” please call back between the hours of 9 and 5:00 yt. (your time). Monday through Friday. Thank you.

 

*All of the angels are busy helping other customers right now. Please stay on the line…Your call is important to us and will be answered in the order it was received.

 

*If you’d like to speak with Gabriel, press 1.

 

Sorry…. *All of the angels are busy helping other customers right now. Please stay on the line…Your call is important to us and will be answered in the order it was received.

 

*For Michael, press 2.

 

Sorry…. *All of the angels are busy helping other customers right now. Please stay on the line…Your call is important to us and will be answered in the order it was received.

 

*For any other angel, press 3.

 

Sorry…. *All of the angels are busy helping other customers right now. Please stay on the line…Your call is important to us and will be answered in the order it was received.

 

* To hear the original options again press the # sign.

 

* To hear only the Gabriel options again, press 1 followed by the # sign.

 

* To hear only the Michael options again, press 2 followed by the # sign.

 

* To hear only the Angel options again, press 3 followed by the # sign.

 

Sorry…. *All of the angels are busy helping other customers right now. Please stay on the line…Your call is VERY important to us and will be answered in the order it was received.

 

*If you’d like King David to sing a psalm for you, press 6.

 

Sorry…. *All of the angels are busy helping other customers right now. Please stay on the line…Your call is VERY important to us and will be answered in the order it was received.

 

*To find out if your relative is here, enter his/her date of death and follow the options given.

 

Sorry…. *All of the angels are busy helping other customers right now. Please stay on the line…Your call is VERY important to us and will be answered in the order it was received.

 

Sorry…. *All of the angels are busy helping other customers right now. Please stay on the line…Your call is VERY important to us and will be answered in the order it was received.

 

*For reservations at My Father’s House, simply press the letters J-O-H-N, followed by the number 3-1-16

 

Sorry…. *All of the angels are busy helping other customers right now. Please stay on the line…Your call is VERY important to us and will be answered in the order it was received.

 

*For answers to nagging questions about dinosaurs, the age of the earth and where Noah’s ark is, wait until you get here! Sorry….

 

*All of the angels are busy helping other customers right now. Please stay on the line…Your call is VERY important to us and will be answered in the order it was received.

 

*For Quality Control your call may be monitored. Please enter your 9 digit ID number now.

 

*Thank you. Your call is now being processed…. please hold.

 

*Our computers show that you have called once today already. Please hang up immediately and try again tomorrow during regular business hours, Thank you. (tomorrow, )

 

*Re-dial:

 

*Sorry, but our office will be closed during the month of January for inventory. However… Your business is VERY important to us so please leave a message at the tone and we’ll return your call…. “in the order it was received”. Thank you.

 

Thank God, you can’t call Him too often!!! You only need to ring once and God hears you. Because of Jesus, you never get a busy signal. God takes each call and knows each caller personally. When you call and the Lord will answer; you will cry for help and He will say: Here *I AM* !

 

For additional help He has provided many Emergency Numbers:

 

When in sorrow, call John 14

When men fail you, call Psalm 27

If you want to be fruitful, call John 15

When you have sinned, call Psalm 51

When you worry, call Matthew 6:19-34.

When you are in danger, call Psalm 91.

When God seems far away, call Psalm 139.

When your faith needs stirring, call Hebrews 11.

When you are lonely and fearful, call Psalm 23.

When you grow bitter and critical, call 1 Cor. 13.

For Paul’s secret to happiness, call Col. 3:12-17.

For idea of Christianity, call 1 Cor. 5:15-19.

When you feel down and out, call Romans 8:31-39.

When you want peace and rest, call Matt. 11:25-30.

When the world seems bigger than God, call Psalm 90.

When you want Christian assurance, call Romans 8:1-30.

When you leave homer labor or travel, call Psalm 121.

When your prayers grow narrow or selfish, call Psalm 67.

For a great invention/opportunity, call Isaiah 55.

When you want courage for a task, call Joshua 1.

How to get along with fellowmen, call Romans 12.

When you think of investments/returns, call Mark 10.

If you are depressed, call Psalm 27.

If your pocketbook is empty, call Psalm 37.

If your loosing confidence in people, call 1 Cor. 13.

If people seem unkind, call John 15.

If discouraged about your work, call Psalm 126.

If you find the world growing small, and yourself great, call Psalm 19.

If you’re wondering how close you can get to God, call John 17.

 

Emergency numbers may be dialed direct. No operator assistance is necessary… no long distance servers are needed.. in fact no telephone is even necessary!! All lines are open to Heaven 24 hours a day!

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